just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
