I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How naked do you want me to be?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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