hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
