Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
