Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
