OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
