I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
True college students do jello shots in the library
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