is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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