Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
