I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
