No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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