R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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