I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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