final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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