i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
