dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
