Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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