The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
