Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
