I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
