you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
