sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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