I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
