I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
