i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
