Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
