Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
