the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
