What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
