thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
