I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
