hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
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Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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