Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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