cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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