his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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