Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You left your phone here
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