I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
