K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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