I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
