no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
