I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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