FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
