Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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