You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
