The maid of honor just puked.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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