my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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