Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
