I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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