im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
