then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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