dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
