a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize