Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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