i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
