I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize