he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
