Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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