Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
