The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Barsexuality is the new black.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
